sinking into myself today. I started the day pumped, because after gaining weight and feeling depressed, I've joined Curves. Gasp. I know. I'm against this stuff. Why pay someone for the privilege of wearing yourself out, when we chose to pay extra for our chores not to wear us out. Our society is so backwards. This is one reason why I bake bread and use cloth diapers (1/2 of the time at least). Yes, aren't I perceptive and good at sensing foolishness? The problem is that I'm putting on weight and I'm tired and grumpy most of the time, so although I would like to give gym mega-chains the finger, I'm joining with a 2-YEAR CONTRACT!!!!
This isn't why I'm sinking into myself though. It's like 6th grade, when book reports were due, and everyone else had their book report done and in, but I was sinking into my chair. Why? If I happened to remember to do it, it was at home buried under my junk on the floor of my room, or it was fully written in my head and forgotten about. Today is a day when I feel that way, only this time I'm disappointing my husband, and making stupid financial brain farts that make me want to dig a hole and hide in it. BTW- the financial brain farts have nothing to do with Curves. The hard part is that this isn't just one isolated incident. It's a chain of stupid moves and forgotten responsibilities that makes my stomach sick and gives me a headache. I'm clinging to the cross, thankful for grace, and begging for change in me. As a people pleaser, it's really stinking hard to make a post like this. It's hard to call your sin for what it is and do it out in the open. I don't even know why I'm doing this. If you think of me, will you pray for my humility and diligence?