I feel like I'm...

sinking into myself today. I started the day pumped, because after gaining weight and feeling depressed, I've joined Curves. Gasp. I know. I'm against this stuff. Why pay someone for the privilege of wearing yourself out, when we chose to pay extra for our chores not to wear us out. Our society is so backwards. This is one reason why I bake bread and use cloth diapers (1/2 of the time at least). Yes, aren't I perceptive and good at sensing foolishness? The problem is that I'm putting on weight and I'm tired and grumpy most of the time, so although I would like to give gym mega-chains the finger, I'm joining with a 2-YEAR CONTRACT!!!!

This isn't why I'm sinking into myself though. It's like 6th grade, when book reports were due, and everyone else had their book report done and in, but I was sinking into my chair. Why? If I happened to remember to do it, it was at home buried under my junk on the floor of my room, or it was fully written in my head and forgotten about. Today is a day when I feel that way, only this time I'm disappointing my husband, and making stupid financial brain farts that make me want to dig a hole and hide in it. BTW- the financial brain farts have nothing to do with Curves. The hard part is that this isn't just one isolated incident. It's a chain of stupid moves and forgotten responsibilities that makes my stomach sick and gives me a headache. I'm clinging to the cross, thankful for grace, and begging for change in me. As a people pleaser, it's really stinking hard to make a post like this. It's hard to call your sin for what it is and do it out in the open. I don't even know why I'm doing this. If you think of me, will you pray for my humility and diligence?

porch pics

porch rebuild

playground conversation

Setting: St. Elmo Playground, under the rings
Characters: 4 1/2 year old Dana Flynn Monahan, 3 year old Jane Elizabeth Monahan, and 2(?)year old Fuller Crumley

Dana: Hey, what's your name? I'm Dana.

Fuller: (looking at his shoes) I'm Fuwer.

Jane: (in a singsongy voice reminiscent of G.G.'s Minnesota accent) O, that's nice. My brother Dana is four too! What's your name?

Fuller: (perplexed) I'm Fuwer.


Director's note: Coversation goes on like this for awhile, but eventually names don't matter and they just play ;)

ode to Matt

This won't be poetry. I'm not that brave, but I do need to speak out in honor of my incredibly wonderful hubby. He gave me the weekend off and I went to Atlanta to be with my parents for the weekend and to get away. It felt weird to be alone with my parents again, but it was so nice to sleep past 6:30am and putz around with my mom, without worrying about potty stops or naptimes. I got to go to Trader Joe's, Ikea, and Tuesday Morning. I'm not normally a shopping nut, but I had so much fun picking up things that we needed (groceries, summer blankets, etc). I wasn't stressed out or worried about anyone or anything, especially because Matt was doing such a great job at home. He took them out in the Jeep to do all kinds of fun things together and when they were home, he even managed to keep the dishes done and the house clean. He's wiped out and so are the kids, but I'm so thankful that they sacrificed so I could get a break. Below are a few pictures of the weekend.

I is for...

Impetigo. It's pretty gross. Clara has a crater on her nose from it, as well as an ear infection (not related). She had it for a week before I took her in. I tried really hard not to be a paranoid mama, but by yesterday I was freaking out and so was she. Matt had to come home from work, because we are down to one car this week. Then Clara and I loaded up in the jeep and went to see Dr. Spraggins. Now we're washing everything and pumping her with meds. Poor thing. Apparently, impetigo is pretty contagious, as is pink eye, which Matt is suffering from. He's also got a wicked sore throat, and interestingly, impetigo can be caused by strep, so Dr. Spraggins ran a culture on Clara. If it comes back positive, she's going to treat all of us. This has really enforced the importance of washing hands. All of these things are hygiene-related illnesses, so I'm now the hand-washing nazi at our house. I know, I know. A little germs and bacteria can be a good thing, but when we're sick all the time, something's gotta change.

Here's my little cutie with her blight.

Playdough!

Thank you Lord for the wonderful gift of homemade playdough after a cooped up, bad behavior spell. We made playdough this morning right after breakfast and the fruit of this five minute effort was peace and happy children for over an hour! It's been rough going for a few days and I had just about given up on joyful children. Even Clara played with it, and she loved it. We made birds and eggs and elephants. Fun. ;)

For those of you who are interested, here's the recipe. We made our playdough yellow, but you can add any color to the water.

1 c. flour
1/2 c. salt
2 t. cream of tartar
1t. oil
1 c. water (with food coloring added)

Stir the dry ingredients in a medium sized pot then add the wet ingredients and stir. Cook for 3 minutes, stirring the whole time. It may look funny, but when you take it out, knead it around a bit. Let it cool and play.

feeling convicted

So today I watched a few extra kids for an hour or two. About half way through I thought, "Man, this is going really well and this is really fun. My normal day, with 3 kids, isn't this fun. Hmmm." I started thinking and then I realized that the difference was that I was really playing with the kids and giving them all of my attention. I enjoyed it and they did too. The tone of the day was so much more cheerful. I feel so horribly guilty. This is why I chose to stay home, because I wanted it to be me who played with them and shared their day. Three kids later, I've lost that attitude. I know I have more work than I could ever do in a day, but I need to play more with my kids. Even if I set a time just for playing, when I don't answer the phone or sit at the computer, or do housework, I think we would all function better. The reason I usually don't do this is that my pride takes too big a hit when someone pops in and the dishes are piled up, or my laundry is all over the place. If you think of me, will you pray that God would give me the humility to let go of what other people think of me and to play with a free conscience? Over and over again, God keeps gently telling me that I need to rest in who He is, know that He loves me, and watch to see what He will do in me, in spite of my messy house and my tendency to forget everything important. ;)

Child by child update

Dana is going to be 5 this summer, which he is very excited about. He's been planning and replanning his birthday party in his head over and over again. The last few months he has really crossed the line into big kid territory. He's still pretty squirly, very excitable, and he still spends quite a bit of time in Dana-land, where Jay Jay, Thomas, and Speed the Queen ;) are his heroes. This year, some of his friends are going to start school, but we are going to wait a bit and try out some homeschooling without the pressure of full school and sitting still. The plan is to do lots of outings with the girls in tow and to nurture his curiosity as much as I can. We'll probably spend some time at the Library each week (which we already do anyway), and make frequent trips to the new park (yea!!), the discovery museum, the zoo, and the aquarium, not necessarily all of them every week. The past three weeks, Dana and Jane have been taking swim lessons at the rec center, which I hope to be able to do twice a year (?). The same rec center also offers non-competitive gymnastics for the same low fee as the swim lessons, so I think maybe we'll sign the big kids up for the Fall. To do all of these things, I have to try to be more organized, but the pay-off is that when Dana is busy, he's less moody and more content with everything else.



Janie is 3 and very talkative. She has a very sensitive little heart and she loves to play mommy to everyone in the house. The other day, as I was leaving bible study at church, I asked Jane to hold Clara's hand, but then I got lost in conversation and didn't notice where they went. While I was talking, they climbed up a little grassy hill between two parking lots and Clara started to walk closer and closer to the parking lot and the road. Janie started wailing, but I assumed she was throwing a fit, not knowing what had happened. When I actually got my hands on Clara, Janie told me that she was worried about Clara. She was afraid something was going to happen to her, and she thought it was her fault. Ouch. This was kind of the capstone to a very emotional morning for her, so she slept hard at naptime.

She drew her first self-portrait today and she was very proud of it. It was pretty nice for her age. I'll have to scan it in for you to see it. My favorite thing about Janie right now is her willingness to help me out. She loves to be mommy's little helper, and I really do need the help, so I know it makes her feel needed. I'm looking forward to that girl-kinship as she grows older and we work together more and more.



Clara is sleeping much better now, with a few exceptions. I'm trying to give her as much protein as she'll eat and less milk, so she won't get filled up on that instead of solid food. I'm also giving her a dose of Benadryl at night for her allergies, which helps her to get to sleep better too. She still stirs and cries a little bit, but she settles herself back to sleep, finally. This week, she's taken off with her vocabulary. She can do a lot of animal sounds and she can say dadn (Daddy), dodn (doggy), kuku (cookie), ge dow (get down), bobo (bottle/sippy), da ku (thank you), yay ;), mama, dana, gamma (grandma), uh oh, buhbuh (her blanket), and wassat (what's that). I'm sure I've forgotten some, but those are the ones she says the most. She's also started the temper tantrum phase a little early, but being the third child she already gets the time out concept, which really helps her chill out. Most of the time though, she's very cheerful and happy to play with just about anything, which is why we keep the bathroom door shut. ;) I also forgot that we're back to the Motherease, due to our rising grocery bills. I bought a few rikki wrap covers and I like them much better than the snap ones.

Blue Ridge pics

Okay these are the ridiculously insignificant pictures from our trip to Blue Ridge. I know they're pathetic, but that just shows what a relaxing time we had there. We forgot we even owned a camera. Lots of sweet memories with the kiddies, and lots of talk-time with Matt... all better than the pictures.

Spring Break--Blue Ridge, GA

Tidbits

I don't have the energy to catch you up to speed on everything, but surprise, we've been busy. I feel like I always say that. I do always say that.

We just got back from a very restful, and much needed trip to Blue Ridge over Matt's Spring Break. We had a great time and the kids are already praying that God will get them back there soon, really. I will post some pictures on my picasa site, but we really did a terrible job of taking pictures. We hardly took any at all.

Today Matt took three of our jr. highers to Petty John's Cave at Pigeon Mountain to go caving. Josh Henry led the trip and the kids had a great time, although they're pretty beat. Check out the pictures on my picasa site, if you're interested.

Spelunking at Petty John's Cave with the yg

That's all for now. I promise to update soon, maybe when my laundry is done. O... well, if I never get it done, I promise to update soon anyway. ;)

I copied Keri

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having a hard time posting again

I know I've said this already, but my heart is just so very heavy with Luke's death. I am having a hard time with posting cute pictures of my kids and light-hearted tidbits from our life, because it FEELS trivial. I KNOW that our daily life isn't trivial, but I don't want to march on as if what happened to Luke hasn't shaken me. There have been other times like this, when I realize the miracle that each one of my children is healthy and that our family is growing and thriving. (not pregnant!) Surely God gives and He takes away. This is what's overwhelming me... the bountiful gifts of a gracious God. I feel like Jacob, with my son on the altar, trembling before an all-powerful, holy God, so thankful.

God brought Luke home to Heaven

We took the youth group on a retreat this weekend, and in the middle of it, Justin called to say that Luke passed away on Friday night. My heart's so heavy with the thought of what it would be like to lose one of my little ones. I just feel for Holly so much. I know that God is giving them strength and peace, but I'm sure they feel the sting of death too. In the midst of this tragic loss, I'm so thankful that we have a God who understands the pain of death and the suffering we feel now, before we go to Heaven. He cares enough to promise that those who mourn will be comforted. Praise God for his goodness.

Luke's kidneys

Holly posted earlier on her blog that Luke's kidneys are not functioning as well as they would like them too. They are asking that we pray for his kidneys to process out all of the fluid that has built up in his body and that he would respond to whatever treatment they use. Please continue to pray.

surgery went well

Check out Justin and Holly's blog at http://tnmillerfamily.blogspot.com/. Luke did better than expected in surgery last night! Praise God! Today may be rough day for him as he experiences the post-op slump, but overall he's doing better than other babies who have the same surgery done. Good news. ;) Thank you to all of you who have been praying.

another update

Little Luke went in at 2pm this afternoon and as far as I know, everything is going well so far. If I remember correctly, this surgery is a 6-10 hour surgery, so the Millers are doing a lot of waiting and praying right now. Please continue to pray with us for a successful surgery and a long healthy life for Luke.

Update on the Millers

I mentioned earlier that our friends Justin and Holly Miller were about to have their second boy, Luke, and that he has a heart defect. Here's a brief update. Justin called last night and gave me the basics. He was driving, so I don't know a whole lot of background. What I do know is that Luke Allen (Alan?) Miller was born on Wednesday afternoon and that he looked great. The doctors said that if they hadn't known about his defect beforehand, they would have sent him home. He looked so good, in fact, that Holly and Justin were able to hold him for a few minutes, which they didn't expect to do for that long, if at all. Since then, he's been in the NICU at Vanderbilt, in Nashville. Justin said he looks just like Zach, their older son and he seems to be doing well. They had a bit of a scare yesterday, because they weren't sure if they could do surgery, which would mean Luke wouldn't make it. However, they ARE going to do the first surgery on Monday. Luke is scheduled to go in earlier in the day (maybe 11 or 12). So, please pray for the Millers this weekend and especially on Monday. I don't pretend to know all of the details, but I do know that this surgery is very important and he's a newborn. Please pray that God would use whatever means he chooses to heal Luke, that He would guide the doctors and give Justin and Holly peace as they wait and pray.

a glimpse of Spring

On Monday I took the kids to the Ft. O Park. We frolicked in the sun and everyone was in a great mood. This was the first time I've taken the kids to the park by myself successfully. Clara can run around now, so I can chase after them all without a baby in arms, at least not the whole time. She actually did really well. She conquered the first tall slide she came to and cackled every time we went down. With the sun and the outside time we have had this week, discipline has been at a minimum, which helps to put me in a better mood too (or is it the other way around?).

Today it's raining and Dana seems to have an ear infection, so we're laying low, but the hope of Spring is making today quite a bit more enjoyable.

my fisher-man

Matt went up to his favorite pond last night to fish. He was a little frustrated because the fishing wasn't that great this time, but he did catch an awesome trophy-size crappie, along with a few smallies. I don't think I've ever seen a bigger crappie. It freaked me out considerably, because after 40 minutes of being out of the water it was still breathing and trying to flop off of the counter. It was staring me down, saying (with his big eyes), "Lady, you better not eat me, or..." I don't know what he would have done. His reptilian coldness utterly grosses me out, so I didn't stay to find out. I hid out in the living room and let Matt make fillets out of 'im. We're having fish for dinner tonight!

Please pray for...

our friends Justin and Holly Miller. Holly is due to have her second little boy at the end of this week. His name is Luke and he has a heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. If you look to your lower right, you'll see a link to their blog, with a better explanation of what this condition is. The gyst is that Luke will have to have a series of surgeries, the first one being very soon after birth. Please pray that 1) Holly would go into labor on her own; 2) she would be able to deliver Luke on her own without any stress to baby Luke; 3) that God would heal Luke; 4) that God would comfort and sustain them durning this time; 5) and that God would use this entire situation to show His glory to all of their doctors, friends, and family. Holly is an ObGyn herself, so she's better informed than the rest of us mommies, but I'm sure that she needs God's peace and comfort just as much as the rest of us. Please remember them in your prayers this week and I'll try to post more information as I hear it.