feeling convicted

So today I watched a few extra kids for an hour or two. About half way through I thought, "Man, this is going really well and this is really fun. My normal day, with 3 kids, isn't this fun. Hmmm." I started thinking and then I realized that the difference was that I was really playing with the kids and giving them all of my attention. I enjoyed it and they did too. The tone of the day was so much more cheerful. I feel so horribly guilty. This is why I chose to stay home, because I wanted it to be me who played with them and shared their day. Three kids later, I've lost that attitude. I know I have more work than I could ever do in a day, but I need to play more with my kids. Even if I set a time just for playing, when I don't answer the phone or sit at the computer, or do housework, I think we would all function better. The reason I usually don't do this is that my pride takes too big a hit when someone pops in and the dishes are piled up, or my laundry is all over the place. If you think of me, will you pray that God would give me the humility to let go of what other people think of me and to play with a free conscience? Over and over again, God keeps gently telling me that I need to rest in who He is, know that He loves me, and watch to see what He will do in me, in spite of my messy house and my tendency to forget everything important. ;)